Dubai Crockocrap

You ever notice how every six months the food world coughs up a new “miracle”?

One minute it’s cronuts, next it’s charcoal ice cream, and now we’ve got Dubai Chocolate. A few years ago, the very creative Dominique Ansel came up with the novel Cronut, a croissant-doughnut hybrid and immediately the scavenging hyenas and vultures of the food world swarmed in to imitate, replicate and in almost every case debase his creation. It’s the way of the world, I understand, but the sad result is that the hype driven consumer salivates for the Cronut and ends up with a substandard overpriced piece of crap. Apparently regular chocolate was too simple. It needed a passport, a gold wrapper, and a TikTok account and now that the viral chocolate craze Dubai Chocolate has taken social media by storm, we’re off on another “have you tried…….” bullshit trip. So, here’s the need-to-know. Dubai Chocolate is a chocolate bar created by FIX Dessert Chocolatier of Dubai blending Middle Eastern flavours like pistachio, kunafa (a crispy Arabic pastry), and tahini, basically everything that fell out of the pantry during a sandstorm. These handcrafted treats, have ignited a frenzy on social media platforms such as TikTok and Instagram, turning them into a must-try item for tourists and locals alike, fuelled by influencers unwrapping bars like it’s the Holy Grail. “Ooooh, limited edition!” a perfect storm of luxury chocolate, Middle Eastern flavour, and social-media storytelling. This is the hook that makes these chocolates so desirable, apart from their unique ingredients, their exclusivity because FIX’s artisanal bars are produced in limited batches – often selling out within minutes on food delivery apps in Dubai, such as Deliveroo.

Now its game on as global chocolate makers quickly tapped into this “luxury nostalgia” market with major players Laderach and Lindt in Switzerland, Rococo Chocolates in the UK and Knipschildt in the USA marketing variations of the original. And of course, it didn’t end there as every chocolatier and restaurant joined in featuring their “Dubai Chocolate” inspired desserts. “Introducing our Dubai Chocolate Lava Soufflé Sundae Crème Explosion!” The waiter brings you something that looks like it escaped from Willy Wonka’s lab, and glancing at the outrageous price on the menu you’re thinking to yourself: Is this dessert, or did I just join a pyramid scheme? So now the average Joe is totally confused and hasn’t a clue exactly what the hell Dubai Chocolate is, where he can experience the Real McCoy and more importantly whether he is being ripped off! Is it a bar? A dessert? A lifestyle statement? It’s a bit like buying a Rolex watch from a guy in the pub for the bargain price of R300. It’ll tell the time and has the name Rolex on the watch face but that’s as far as it goes. So, after all the hype and ignoring the influencers what’s it really like? I don’t know because I don’t live in Dubai and can’t afford it anyway but according to one chef whose opinion I do value “It’s got about as much substance as carrot air…. you’d zbe better off with a bloody Snickers Bar! But hey, didn’t it look great on Instagram.

Brian owns The Food Biz a consultancy business in Cape Town and instead of working he tells other people how to work. He can be contacted at [email protected] or 0824929239